Watashi or Boku

This post is about how you refer to yourself: “watashi”, “boku”, or “ore”. This is a very basi topic. I’ll start with a simple question.

Watashi: Used by women. Also used by men at work

Boku, ore: Used by men.

When do men use “watashi” and when do they use “boku” and “ore”? As mentioned above, men use “watashi” to show politeness at work. “Watashi” gives the impression of working adult, so I don’t think students need to use it.

However, this dosen’t simply mean only boys or male students use “boku” and “ore”.

Boku, ore: Used by boys. Also used by adlut men.

It’s important to understand this point. I sometimes meet non-Japanese people who don’t know this ー in particular, male foreign students in high school or college want to look mature an tend to prefer "watashi". But, when they say "watashi wa", I always find it awkward. I think they should use "boku" or "ore" while they're a student and switch to "watashi" when they begin to work. Moreover, working Japanese men don't always refer to themselves with "watashi". They do so at work, but use "boku" or "ore" casually when they talk to family or friends.

Boku, ore: Used by boys or male students all the time. Used by male adults when they talk to family or friends.

Watashi: Used by male adults at work.

The next point is about how to differenciate “boku” and “ore”. “Ore” sounds rougher, but “boku” doesn’t sound cute or girly. Please remember this clarification.

How do Japanese boys or men select one or the other? I think it depends on their taste or which one fits them better. Since they are native Japanese speakers, themy can make an appropriate choice more easily, and whichever is chosen, it never seems odds to me.

But, honestly speaking, when I hear a non-Japanese man using “ore”, I sometimes feel it’s a bit strange because “ore” has a certain roughness to it. So, I recomment “boku” just to be safe. (This is my personal opinion, though.)

We tend to think casual language is easier than formal language, but acutually, casual language is also difficult. Polite Japanese is hard because its terms, grammar and usages are complicated. On the other hand, the nuances and connotations of casual expressions are hard to understand.

There is a common element between “watashi, boku and ore” and “oishii, umai, and ume-” (which are three different ways to say “delicious”).

Oishii: Used by everyone.

Umai: Sounds maculine and rough, but sometimes used by women.

Ume-: Not used by women. Sounds a bit crude used by even men, but might be no problem it it’s used properly.

However, it might be difficult for a non-native speaker to determine the right situation for “ume-”. Thus, if men say “oishii” or “umai” and women say “oishii”, it would sound appropriate and carry no risk.

However, I feel bad when I write such things. Today, we shouldn’t define masculinity or femininity in such rigid ways. So, you should choose the way of speaking you prefer. At the same time, I think it’s important to know what impression you’re giving to others based on who you’re talking to and what kind of situation you’re in.